Well, things went badly. My friend did call and he is still my friend. But that is all. I've gotten very depressed about the situation. I'm in a lot of pain right now. It's not his fault. I can't blame him for just being my friend. I'm the one who screwed up and fell in love. And what makes it worse is that a very clear realization has hit me. Nobody has ever really wanted me. Nobody. Nobody wanted to date me in high school. Nobody wanted to date me in college. Sure, I have had plenty of drunk guys come on to me. They usually wanted me for all of about 15 minutes. Even my ex-husband didn't really want to marry me. He never asked me. So I'm sitting here at the edge of 40 knowing that I will die alone, unwanted. Wishing I wouldn't wake up in the morning to face a useless life. Wondering why nobody can see past my ugly exterior to the part of me that is filled with love. It used to have hope there too, but I think that hope is dead in me.