Well, I think I did something bad. I have had some very deep and confusing feelings about a very good friend of mine. And I finally admitted to myself that I was indeed in love with him. Which was very scary for me because I don't want to be in love. Especially not with a guy. I have horrible relationships with men it seems. Plus, this guy is younger than I am, I don't think I'm physically attractive to him at all, he's good looking while I'm fugly, he lives in another state, and I could continue but you can see where this is going. But the whole thing had been getting to me rather badly. I have been trying to keep it under control and last night I had a few drinks and we were talking on the phone and the subject of sex came up and I got upset. I couldn't help it. When I think about an intimate relationship with him I begin to feel hopeless. After a long conversation, I finally told him what was bothering me. He didn't seem to mind. He felt that it could only strengthen our relationship. But I'm scared that it's going to drive away one of the best friends I've ever had. I've had a few brief communications with him online today, but I haven't heard from him otherwise. I suppose if I don't hear from him for a few days, I'll know I drove away one of the few people in this world I call a friend.