Well, I'm having kind of a crappy day. Not sure why, except I'm worried about a couple of people. I have a friend, Jeremy, who lives in one of the areas in Kansas that's been hit by heavy flooding. I've not heard from him in maybe 3 days and I'm really worried about him. I hope he's safe. And my daughter Blair went back home. I know she's not as happy as she could be there, but she will be ok. What's really worrying me is Nina. She's 13 and she's being horrible. She and her friends were harassing Blair online yesterday and I had to jump down her throat. She's jealous because Blair has a boyfriend and she doesn't. At least I believe that's what's at the heart of the matter. And it drains me, emotionally and physically. Marc has been in his pajamas all day and I just feel blah. I've gotten quite a bit done, dishes, my hair redyed, etc but I just feel down.

Find me. Heal me. Save me from my enemies.

It's funny. People don't realize the extent of the depression and pain I hide on a daily basis. It hurts so much to be alone sometimes, but sometimes it hurts to NOT be alone. I realize I am surrounded by people who love me but I still have that old pain, that longing to be close to somebody and I can't find that person who wants to be close to me as well. I run a masquerade that seems like my life. I don't have anybody to share the pain with. All I ever wanted to be was normal. I wanted to be like everyone else. And I can't. Ever. NO matter what. I am so tired of not being able to pretend anymore. I like to pretend to be normal just to fit in for a while but I can't.

I am so tired. Physically. And my allergies are flaring up. Yes, I know I'm complaining. :) I gotta do it sometimes.