Well, I haven't posted here much at all. I've kind of abandoned this blog since it seems there's a person I dislike who constantly checks it. So I have no desire to post my feelings and thoughts since if she doesn't like it I get hateful emails and comments (which I don't publish). That's how it goes though.

Well, lots has happened in my life lately. I seem to have lost a good friend, but I have gained a lot of strength. I guess it's good that he's gone, because he had gone from being a loving and supportive friend to somebody who every time I'm down had to start to point out my flaws. I'm sorry but somebody who is depressed doesn't need that sort of thing. He always seemed convinced I was obsessed with him and I don't see how anyone would be obsessed with somebody who tends to kick them when they are down. Just my personal views on it. I really think he got what he wanted out of me and once he figured he couldn't get anything else out of me, simply dumped me for a new friend. It's ok though. I still care about him. I worry about him. I know I won't ever see him again but I do care. I miss him a lot. I just pray he will be ok. I think he's going down a crooked path and will end up in trouble. I had been told by more than one person he had been sent to break me. I believe that now. Now that I've withdrawn I have a better perspective on the situation. It saddens me to think my friends were right all along and he was a harmful person to me. But next time I'll listen to my friends.

I hate Black Friday. Period. I won't usually leave the house. But there's a deal I have to try to get. Seriously. So I'm going to the cold and going to hang out all night to try to get it. Wish me luck.

I got back from Chandler, AZ on Monday morning. Went to my brother's wedding. I've posted some albums of the pictures I took.

Random Chandler Photos
Andy and Heidi's Reception
Andy and Heidi's Wedding

Enjoy.

I'm in Arizona for my brother's wedding. I am helping cater. I love my brother and my new sister. But I am having a hard time. I always have a hard time at weddings. I see the love and devotion the people have for each other and I'm severely envious. It's all that I've ever wanted and never had. I've been in love a few times in my life, but never had the person I loved return the feeling. Which is good really. Only one of them was husband material and he's dead. Hell, I am in love with somebody right now but he's not what I'm looking for in a mate. The guy would make a horrible husband. I might be in love, but I'm not stupid. I'll eventually get over him. I wouldn't ever even consider spending the rest of my life with him. I get very sad and depressed because I've been looking for someone to spend my life with a long time. Nineteen years. I have lost hope that I will ever find anyone who wants to be with me. I've had three dates this year. I got stood up twice and the third one he didn't even buy me lunch and then I find out he's got a girlfriend and is just looking for something on the side. Pathetic. Loneliness is killing me, slowly. It sucks.

Hmmm. How would you feel if somebody said this about you?

Crap or Shit... June 12, 2008, 01:00:am
Don't feel good....
I wish my friends would call...I wish I could destroy someones life
I hate her
I hate who she is and everything she stands for
She has no right to tell me what to do
She didn't raise me
Fuck her
I hope she dies
Mood: pissed
Music: Life is Beautiful-Nikki Sixx

I'm the SHE and the HER mentioned here. Seriously, how would you feel if somebody said this about you?

It's weird. Most of the people who read this blog do so because they find the posting about where I got my cartilage pierced. Just shows how interesting I am. :P