Christmas is coming

 I hate the holidays. I get so depressed because I feel like I'm never giving enough or it's not the right thing.  I feel like a failure. I know my brain is doing this to me but I can't stop it.  😢

Alive

 I'm alive.  Lots of odd things going on.  I've got a lover now.  That lover is much younger than I am. My lover pursued me.  Wore me down until I said yes.  I'm not sorry.  I'm also not advertising the fact that we are together.  I don't want people to judge me because of the age difference. I will note that they have had me so active that I've lost 15 lbs though, lol.

I think..

 I might be dying.  I am so sick.  It's not COVID. My COVID test was negative.  I've been extremely ill since Monday afternoon.  It's Tuesday night and I am not sure I'm getting better.  I barely have the energy to get to the bathroom and back.  Part of me says it's ok to die.  I feel bad for whomever will have to clean up though. Diarrhea, vomiting, sweating so much I'm swimming in it...  What is sad is that nobody has noticed my absence online.  We are more connected than ever yet more alone than ever.

Back here again

 It's been a while since I posted. In the months since I've been here I've been quite busy. I did an interview for a documentary which aired in June, I've had two patches of skin cancer removed, my mom has been having medical issues too so there's that and I've been in physical therapy to help me regain better use of my knee and help with the back pain. So yes, it's been a bumpy ride.

I'm concerned with the overturning of Roe vs Wade.  I've been seeing where states are making it illegal to get an abortion even in cases of rape and incest.  Doesn't matter if it's a 10 year old girl. And what's worse is the penalty for rape is usually quite a bit less stringent than the penalty for abortion. What we are seeing is the fall of personal freedoms for women, especially women of color.  With the degenerates on the supreme court named Kavanaugh and Thomas (both have been accused of inappropriate sexual conduct) I don't see things getting better.  In addition to making sure that a corpse has more personal rights than a pregnant woman, they are eroding the EPA and trying to break down the barrier between church and state. Anyone who has any knowledge of history knows this is bad.  We have a bad SCOTUS after having had an extremely bad president. The US is no longer the country I grew up in. In fact it's no longer a country I really want to be in. This is scary shit people. The problem with a theocracy is that you have several ways it can go.  The first is to end up with a government that thinks the Bible is the literal word of god.  But here's the catch: old or new testament? New testament might not be so bad but old testament says it's ok to have slaves, it's ok to rape, etc.  Bad. Very bad.  The next type would be the government thinks the Bible is suggestions on behavior and beliefs. The issue here is who decides what is law and what is just a teaching story? The irony of the King James bible is that King James was notoriously gay. So, do we base things off King James? Do we dig up copies of Apocrypha? Do we let some evangelist tell us what to believe and follow because he claims to speak for God? Hell, I can speak for god if you want. I can spout off all kinds of mumbo jumbo if necessary. And the scary part is that in a theocracy YOU don't get to choose. You get told. Period. So yes, the US is falling faster than Rome. Next post maybe I'll go on about the climate and how billionaires are basically killing the planet.