Dread

 The existential dread is setting in.  Again. And there's only so many funny cat videos on YouTube to combat it.  The cult of trump, climate change, homelessness, prices rising, the obscenely rich squeezing the general population for every penny...  My therapist says I need to ignore this stuff and concentrate on what makes me happy.  I countered with the fact that I don't want to stick my head in the sand and that I can't really be happy until things change.  She countered my counter with the idea that I shouldn't let things upset me to the point where I want to commit suicide if that orange bastard gets re-elected.  I had to, at that point, concede.  Because I really don't see any way I can handle another 4 years of this bullshit.

Past Tense part 1 & 2

 Still watching Deep Space 9.  I love all Star Trek, especially the original series and Enterprise (I honestly think that stupid theme song is what killed it) but DS9 has a special place in my heart.  People think I'm a pessimist but really I'm just realistic.  I'd love to be able to believe in happily ever after but I'm too much of a realist to accept that.  I know it won't happen, especially for me.  But back to Trek.  Past Tense part 1 and 2 are intense.  They take place in 2021.  There are sanctuary areas in cities where people who are jobless are put.  If you are caught without a job or ID you could end up in one.  If you haven't seen DS9 you could actually watch those 2 episodes without the rest of the series.  I can see this happening if Trump stays in office.  He seems to want as many poor people dead as possible.  He's killed over 200,000 people in the USA by downplaying the Covid-19 severity.  He's still not taking it seriously after supposedly having it himself.  He's been tweeting things that would get anyone else a 72 hour psych hold.  Personally I'm buying seeds for my garden next year and thinking about investing in a deep freeze.

Deep Space 9

 I've been rewatching DS9.  It seems to fit my mood lately.  It's darker than TOS or TNG and there's points in it where all seems lost.  I think it's mirroring how I feel about the government.  We have a moron who seems to want a large number of the population dead. My apologies to any morons out there, I don't mean to demean you by equating you with trump.  I voted today. Well it was technically yesterday. Monday, October 12.  It was a holiday so I knew the parking lot at the courthouse would be empty.  I put my ballot in the special drop box outside the administration building.  Signed, sealed and delivered.  Now I have to wait.  I don't want to die.

Blah

 I've been feeling irritable, stubborn, angry and sleepy.  Wearing a heart monitor that connects to two sticky electrodes on my chest and trying not to roll when I sleep is awful. 

In other news, I think I've fully accepted I will die alone.  It's ok now.  I used to be scared of dying alone.  I'm not now.  I have no wish to burden anyone with my presence.  Easy peasy.