The Hu

 I listened to The Gereg the other night.  Very impressive.  Mongolian metal wasn't where I was expecting to go this year but I'm glad I did.

DNR

 I've thought about this a lot.  With as depressed as I get I should probably sign a DNR.  I've never attempted suicide. I probably never will. But I really don't think that if I die I want them to bring me back.  If I die just let me be dead.

Depression

 I fight depression almost every day of my life.  Some days are good and some are not.  Today was marginally ok until I unexpectedly ended up face to face with my ex-husband.  He scares me.  I've had nightmares about him. He's mentally ill in a way that might be managed with medication and counseling but he does neither. So now I'm in a big downward spiral. He reinforced for me how unlovable I am.  I've always had a poor opinion of myself and by the time I divorced him it had been extremely reinforced by his narcissistic behavior.  So here I sit at home wondering if he knows where I live, should I be worried, etc.  I hadn't seen him for almost 10 years.  I don't know if I'll be able to sleep until the sun comes up.  With the PTSD I get paranoid and anxious and worry about him coming after me under the cover of darkness. I wouldn't worry so much but apparently he's got a history of breaking and entering.  Not stealing, just breaking in to places.  Just what I don't f*ing need right now.