Is this it?

 So I was wondering the meaning of life and all that bullshit.  What if there is no meaning other than what we each personally ascribe to it? Does that mean if we don't get it then there was no meaning? Does it matter if nobody else on the planet understands you? Is a person born for a single split second in which they decide to either do or don't and that split second is the entire purpose of their life and the rest is irrelevant?  Or is it all bullshit and nothing matters?

Heart

 So I've been having dizzy spells for over a year now.  I ruled out blood sugar and blood pressure as the cause. My GP kind of blew it off.  I had actually gotten kind of used to them until I had two really bad falls in June.  I went to a neurologist and that was a waste of time.  He apparently couldn't even be bothered to look at my medication list. 🙄 So tomorrow I'm going for some heart tests.  I don't know how I feel about this.  On one hand it would be a relief to not be mentally torturing myself 40% of the time but on the other hand do I really want to die?  Guess I'll have to ask myself some hard questions depending on the results of the tests.

Self Loathing

 Bojack Horseman, season 4 episode 6. I deal with that sort of thing a lot even though I don't drink.  I fight with that inner voice constantly. Sometimes it gets too loud and I start to believe it.  I wish I didn't.