It finally stopped raining. It had been raining here since last night. I've had a horrible headache off and on all day from it. The good thing about this is that it's rain, and it's warmed up enough here that it's not going to freeze. The bad part is that it's turned my front yard into a sea of mud again. Literally a sea of mud. I didn't go anywhere today cause I hate walking out there and sinking up to my ankles. The effort of walking in mud like that ends up hurting my knees and back so bad it's not even funny. Makes me wish I had vicodin. I don't, so I just end up taking lots of Motrin. It's still supposed to rain a bit more tonight. I am hoping the leak in the ceiling over my bed doesn't decide to drip. I've been lucky and it hasn't dripped all day. I did have to put a bunch of duck tape (yes, I said duck-that's the brand name of it) around the windows in my bedroom. There's 3 on the east end and all three were leaking water around them. I just keep telling myself that come the end of the school year, me and Nina will hit the road and all will be better. We will find a new home.

I keep having weird dreams. Most especially dreams about when I was little and we lived in Festus, MO. That was the last time I remember being happy all the time. I didn't start being depressed and wanting to die until we moved to southern Illinois. But the dreams I keep having are about returning to the house we lived in. Either buying it or the people who now live there let us come in and look. This last dream I had I was with mom and Nina. The one before I was with mom and dad. I have thought about it a lot and I think I know why I'm having these dreams. I think this is my subconscious' effort to tell me I need to go home. The only problem is that I don't really have a home anymore. Oh, I have a place to live, but it's not my home. When we lost the house, I lost the only home I've really ever had here in Illinois. The house we lived in here while I was in high school is familiar to me, but not comforting like my house was or that house in Festus. I do occasionally dream about that one, but not like I do about the one in Festus or my house. Every time I dream about the house I lost I wake up wanting to cry, with an aching because I feel like I lost things I can never recover with that house. It was truly my home and despite all the problems it had, I will probably miss it forever.

Be sure to stop by http://12of8.deviantart.com/ and check out my artwork. You can even buy something. They are selling prints of my work. I get cash out of it so think of it as a charitable donation... ;)

Puppies. Have you ever had a dog who gave birth to puppies? If not, then you might not know what I'm talking about. When puppies are born it's usually at least a week before they start opening their eyes. Their ears open first. But they are born with both closed. So, no sight and limited hearing. I don't know how acute their sense of smell at birth is. Probably nobody does. Now, what I'm very interested in is the fact that puppies dream. Before their eyes and ears open. Almost everyone has seen a dog dream. They might growl or bark in a muffled way, twitch their legs and paws in such a way that they look as if they are running or fighting. Sometimes they even dream about nursing, as if they were still puppies, and make sucking noises. So what I'm wanting to know is that if the puppies haven't opened their eyes and have limited hearing, what exactly could they be dreaming about? They show the same signs as adult dogs with all the twitching and barking and growling, but they haven't actually SEEN another dog. It's a baby's mind and they can't analyze the shape of another dog from feeling their pack mates. So what do they dream of? It's a question that I can't have answered in this life, that's for sure. It's a good question tho. Does this point toward some type of inherited memory? Does it indicate reincarnation or a kind? Could R.E.M. for them be simply an instinctive thing? Weird thought, eh?

When there's no more room in hell, the dead will walk the earth.

I love that line. It's from Dawn of the Dead. The really profound thing about it is that it's totally possible that this has already happened. It would explain a lot about human society....

I have recently become very attracted to the idea of owning an old style charcoal samovar. Why? Because they are really neat. Unfortunately quite expensive too. But they are a marvel of efficiency. You can have constant hot water and brew tea with one. And they use very little fuel and apparently are 70% efficient with the fuel they use. You can use charcoal, pine cones, bark, twigs, whatever to fuel one. I am thinking that once I'm on the road again this would be a very useful thing to have. I did manage to pull up a diagram of how the interior of one works, but being that it's made entirely of metal I'm not sure if I will be able to fashion one or not. I might have to have a friend of mine take a look and see if he thinks it can be done. He's done some metal working so he's got a better chance of fashioning one than I do I think.

Well, it's been a wonderful week here so far. I have come up with the PERFECT example of why I don't like people. That's a general statement, btw. I bid on and won some mimosa and cotton seeds on eBay. This was on the 7th of February. On Monday, I sent the following message to the person I had won the seeds from:

When exactly should I be receiving my seeds? I've been pretty patient but
I'd really like my seeds now....

My eBay ID is twelveofeight and the person I had bought off of is rootertooter45. I have a bunch of stuff I'm starting indoors right now and wanted to get a jump on the tree seedlings. I figured I had waited for 12 days with no word at all other than the end of the auction and I immediately sent payment. Then nothing. This is the response I got from my message to rootertooter45:

Look Lady,I sent you`r seeds a long time ago. You dont sound patient in
this email. If you dont get your seeds by the end of this month I will send your
damn $2.49 back. Most generally if a person doesnt get their seeds I send a
replacement.but in your case NOT NOT Have a nice day.

Now, I didn't deserve that. Period. There is no reason for such hateful behaviour. So, I sent this message back:

I'm sorry but you don't have to be hateful about it. I've been waiting
since the 7th of Feb. and haven't complained or anything. I've waited patiently
and simply wanted to know how much longer till you ship me the seeds. If you
want to refund my money that's fine. I really wanted the seeds otherwise I
wouldn't have bought them.

I was extremely pissed off but I didn't take it out on this person. I'm not that kind of person. After I sent that back there was no word, nothing. So, after brooding about this for a few days, I sent this message:

You know, I have decided I paid for those seeds and I want the seeds. The
mimosa and the cotton seeds promised in the listing. I don't want a refund, I
want my merchandise. If, for whatever reason, you have a problem with this, I
will be perfectly happy to be as nasty about this as you were to me. Thanks, and
have a nice day.

So, they replied with this:

Look, I have been nice to you. I sent your replacement seeds yesturday.. Do
you expect me to get on a lear jet and deliver them. You are crazy as hell.you
need to seek help. I hope you dont get these seeds eather. You are a nasty evil
woman.

And again, I got really pissed off. I replied with this:

No, you are the nasty evil person. You have been nothing but nasty to me
after a simple inquiry about where my seeds were. Then telling me you
wouldn't send me a replacement and cussing at me. Not notifying me you would
send me a replacement and expecting me to just "know". I don't know how the
hell I was supposed to know that. You are a horrible person with the
maturity of a 5 year old and you can guarantee I will make sure nobody I
know ever orders from you.

And so I get this in return:

First off, If you look at my feedback you will see that it is good. I have
made over 5,000 transactions on eBay. I have a few neg from idiots like you,but
none concern any seeds that I sell. I look forward to your neg feedback, so I
can follow up on yours.

Well. I haven't replied yet. But I do intend on making sure people know that rootertooter45 is a horrible, nasty person and that nobody ought to do business with them. Did I deserve ANY of the replies I got? No. I was polite to the end. I do intend on sending eBay a copy of all this and making sure that this is how rootertooter45 treats customers who inquire about their shipments. Please feel free to look up rootertooter45 on eBay and make sure they know how you feel about the way they treated me. But whatever you do, DO NOT BUY FROM rootertooter45.

Have you ever just hit a point where you don't know if you can deal with things anymore? I'm almost right there. I'm extremely close. It's this trailer I'm living in. It's got too many problems. I love living out in this area but I'm almost to the point where I don't know if it's worth it or not. The pipes keep freezing up. I had complained about this and was told that yes there is heat tape on the pipes and if I keep the kitchen faucet running at night it won't freeze up. Well, it froze up. I was without water for 3 days till I finally got pissed off that it wasn't thawing despite near melting point temperatures. Guess what I found. The heat tape was frozen to part of the ground. So, despite the little light in the cord plug in being on, it wasn't working. I replaced it. Once it was replaced it took about 5 minutes and the water was fine. And the breaker box of course. It's got a ton of bare wires in it. I was told "But those are ground wires". It doesn't matter. There shouldn't be ANY bare wires in there like that. There's also the fact that the trailer leans to the south. It's pretty bad on the end where the bedroom is. It's driving me nuts. The roof above said bedroom now leaks. Last time it rained really good (that was before the last snow we had) the light fixture (which happens to be the remains of a ceiling fan) began having water dripping off it onto the bed. The bedroom is so small that there is no way to move the bed so it won't be dripped on next time it rains. The thing that kills me is that any repairs I do, it's not to MY home. On a whim they could decide they want to rent to somebody else and throw me out. So needless to say I'm not EVEN going to start looking at fixing windows. I'm torn between moving my daughter out here with me or moving back in with her and my parents. I wanted her out here this week but I'm really wondering if I ought to. I also don't know if I can take moving again in such a short time. The ground out here is beginning to thaw, and if January was any indication, then the yard will again be a sea of mud. With my arthritis and back problems, trying to carry stuff thru the mud puts me in a lot of pain. To make it worse, one of the guys who is renting me the trailer decided to put these logs all over the yard. So I have to manage to step over these while keeping my balance in the mud while carrying stuff. I wish some millionaire would just buy me 10 acres of land, hand me the title and then go away. Might be the only way I ever get to have my own place again. :(

I was sitting here eating my breakfast and reading the news. I happened to open up a story entitled "Evolution Memo Prompts Call For Apology". The story is here: http://apnews.excite.com/article/20070218/D8NC38200.html
This type of thing scares me. Why? Well, I know that there is a tendency for religious hysteria among U.S. citizens. After all, we were originally a colony settled by religious fanatics. But the men who originally drew up the constitution made is very clear that there should be separation of church and state. Everyone should be free to believe what they want. The scary part, to me at least, is that this whole thing revolved around a Georgia State Representative, Marshall Hall (president of the Fair Education Foundation) and a Texas State Representative. If you read some of what this guy, Marshall Hall, has said, it's downright creepy. I feel that this guy is trying to corrupt our government with religious ideals. It wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't a front for discrimination and hate. I've noticed more and more people use religion as an excuse for these kinds of things. And the more sanctimonious they are about it the more I want to vomit. Just because more people believe in Jesus in this country than not doesn't mean that their point of view has to be right. In fact, people who think their way is right and nobody else's is make me truly ill. Anyone who has closed their mind to the point where they can't question their lives or beliefs is a sad individual indeed, and could be dangerous. That's just the sort of person who carries out a suicide bombing.

Ok, I have to know. In Close Encounters of the Third Kind, when the UFOs first appear over Devil's Tower they form the Big Dipper. Now is this because of the legend of the 7 sisters of the Kiowa that were thrust into the night sky to avoid being killed by their brother who became a bear? Or is there another reason for the Big Dipper symbol? I had heard at one point that it might have been included in either the Pioneer Plaque or the Voyager Gold Record information as a universal symbol of goodwill or friendship, but I haven't been able to verify that at all. So if anybody out there knows, PLEASE drop me a line. Thanks.

PS: Rocky, are you in N.O. yet?