Happy St. Patrick's Day! Did you remember to wear green? That skid in your undies does not count! hehehe, sorry, I couldn't resist that.

I've been going crazy with a new fractal program called Apophysis. It's really sweet. Stop in and check out my stuff at http://12of8.deviantart.com . I actually have FANS. For my fractal works that is. Not so much for the photography. But that's ok. I have to admit that my fractals are, for the most part, stunning. I can say that because the computer helps me out with them. If I had done them all by myself I'd probably hate them. That's kind of the curse of an artist. You end up hating your own stuff because you always feel like you should have done MUCH better. Nina is like that and it drives me wild, even though I understand it completely. Being sick I had a lot of time to mess with the fractals as I couldn't get up and get around much because of the dizziness. My right ear is still clogged up but I feel SO much better. I'm not well yet, but for the most part I'm functional again.

I had a friend in Scotland (I've mentioned him before) who told me to catch a new show on SciFi called The Dresden Files. It's pretty good so far. Only 7 episodes so far. For an infant series it's got some promise. I am hoping it does well because I think I'm addicted...

Well, it's happened again. I dreamed about my old home in Missouri again. The dreams are hitting me maybe once or twice a week now. I know why I dream these dreams. I just wish it would stop. I don't know how to make them stop other than to find a new home and I don't see that happening in the near future. Being forever broke is driving me even nuttier than I already am and the dreams are just kind of pushing me to the edge. Combine that with having been so sick and you can see just what sort of lunatic we are dealing with. "We" meaning you people. Anybody who might be reading this. I have this friend in Scotland, Jim, and he thinks I just need some tlc with all that I've been through in the past year. He might be right, but I have no tlc giver. I only have a few friends left at this point. Those are the ones who aren't doing meth or shooting crack or anything else like that. Most of my friends aren't even in this state at this point and the one who is works 6 days a week. I actually wouldn't mind going out on a date at this point. Weird, eh? Not that I'm needing a relationship, but a date would be nice. At least I might get some hugs and kisses out of the deal. It's weird. I'm the kind of person that visits you in the hospital or calls if you are sick. Do any of my friends do that for me? No. The only one who ever did is an oxy-junkie now and I can't stand to see him. Makes me want to puke to see how horrible he looks. The sad part is I stayed his friend and gave him positive feedback when he was in withdrawals. Nobody else did. And then he ended up taking some of my money and going right back to them. I don't get it.

Ok, I've been sick. Established. The guys I am renting from knew this as I had stated it when I talked to them Thursday. I let them know I had to go to Herrin on Friday to see my doctor cause I was sick. So when we got home last night they are sitting in the yard and one of them yells over "hey, you were gone so long I was about to call the police thinking you were dead or in the hospital". I reply "If you were worried you should have just called me. You have my cell number." I am thinking he must have been drunk again because that's a really stupid statement to make. I mean, people aren't stupid enough to call the police about somebody without trying to at least phone the person in question first? Right? I dunno. Maybe I'm just super irritable because my eardrums still hurt a lot and I'm still pretty dizzy. I tire really fast too. It's going to take a while to get back to being ok on this new antibiotic. The one that made me sick had the advantage of being super strong and working quickly. This one isn't very strong at all and doesn't work quickly but it won't make me puke my guts up all the time either. I think I'm gonna stick with the not vomiting.

Being as sick as I was all weekend, it brought a few things home hard. I got sick Wednesday, went to the doc Friday to discover that I all the sudden had a horrible sinus infection, ear infection to the point that my left eardrum was almost ready to burst, and beginning to get bronchitis (from all the sinus drainage). My throat was so sore I couldn't hardly swallow spit. They gave me cough syrup, antibiotics and an anti dizziness drug. Well, on Saturday night I began to have a reaction to the antibiotic. Puked my guts up late Saturday night and all day Sunday. The bad part was I was so dizzy and messed up that we had to stay at my moms (she's a nurse and would know if I needed to go to the ER). I knew that there was no way I could drive safely. Problem with that is that Nina transferred to the school where we are now living, half an hour's drive from my mom's house. I realized that there is no way I can move a good distance from any of my family for this very reason. If something happens to me, I need to have somebody around who would take care of Nina. God knows her dad isn't going to step up. I am just very unsure of what to do about this. I might just go quietly insane then somebody else can figure it out for me.

Well, I've been incredibly ill. I began to feel sick on Wednesday. I started coughing up stuff on Thursday and on Friday when I got to the doctor's, I was diagnosed with a severe sinus and ear infection. I'm on heavy duty antibiotics and cough meds now. They also have me on this anti dizziness med. It doesn't seem to work all that much. It's quite odd. I've been at my mom's house this weekend cause I was scared to drive home. I'm so dizzy I'm afraid I would not be safe on the road. I should be able to get home tomorrow.