Alone

Being alone can be heaven and hell at the same time.  I prefer to be alone anymore since it's more comfortable for me.  I've never found my "soul mate", I've quit dating, I've given up on relationships.  I've never met a man who was interested in me beyond what I could do for him.  That's what it boiled down to.  I know I'm not pretty.  I know I'm not Suzie Homemaker.  I'm quite intelligent and talented in the kitchen.  I have given up any pretense of fitting in with the rest of the world.  Why?  There's no point.  I've never felt for any woman like I did for Nancy and doubt I ever will.  Men?  I'm tired of being used.  I'm not a maid or a sex doll.  I'm a person with extremely deep feelings.  The only part I really hate about being alone is that I have always been afraid I'll die alone.  For some reason that makes me sad and afraid.