I have headache right between my eyes. This is more than slightly annoying. It's really pissing me off actually. I should buy stock in Advil. I get these horrible sinus headaches because of my allergies. My doctor won't prescribe anything for them so I buy tons of Advil liquigels. His theory? I just have to live with them. I've had headaches that have driven me into the ER. I've had them so bad they made me sick. He doesn't think I get migraines. What I want to know is just how freaking bad does a headache have to be before it's considered a migraine???!!!

Urg. I have never considered myself a "normal" person. This might account for my relationships with men. I tend to end up attracted to the most dysfunctional men. I've always wondered why this is. My ex-husband is a prime example of this. I tried to make that relationship work for 11 years. Why I held on so long I'll never know. I have always strived for some sort of security in my life. And one of my goals in life was to have my own home. A place where I could paint the walls black if I wished. I had that for 7 years before I lost it. My ex decided he didn't like his job anymore. He had been working at the factory in town. Making very good money. So, after telling him that if he quit without having another job and thus the child support payments stop we would loose everything, he quit. Without the child support, I had to support my daughter and myself on my disability. And of course, we lost the insurance that covered my daughter. So that's how I ended up living in a camper. I knew this would happen and attempted to make sure I would have a roof over my head. Nina, my daughter, has insisted on staying with my mother. Which is a good thing now that school has started. This is all beside the point tho. What I've learned is that no man that I would date is worth dating. So I'm done with dating men. I had my cousin ask me once what about all the good men out there who want to take care of a family. I asked him "Where the hell are these men cause I sure as hell don't know any of them!". Sad, eh? It's ok tho. If I need companionship I have a dog and a cat.

Have you ever noticed that a housecat's head kind of looks like the grey aliens are supposed to look? Minus the black eyes that is. My kitten, Meow, has brown eyes but the shape of her face resembles the drawings of grays that people make. Weird eh?

On another note, I had a weird dream the other night. I lived in Festus, MO. as a kid. I lived on a street that had 2 dead ends and a cul de sac. Looked kind of like this:
Both sides were hills, the round
bit is the cul de sac. I lived on the left hill and if you went up the right hill, you could walk thru some woods and down into a field that was next to Govroe's Pond. I don't know if I spelled that right, it's been a long time and I don't think I ever knew how that was spelled. Anyway, in the field kids had made bike paths and jumps for motorcycles. Nothing too elaborate, this was the 70's. So the other night in my dream I go back and visit this place as an adult. And in the dream, I see a big hole in the midst of these bike tracks. When I was a kid, there was a big piece of metal tubing, the kind they use for culverts. It seemed big but I was little. In the dream this piece of culvert metal was set in the ground. I went over to it to see if it was the same as it was when I was a kid. When I was a kid, it wasn't set in the ground. So in the dream I go into it and see that there's mining equipment that's been abandoned. This bit has no basis in reality at all as I know it from when I was little. As I am standing there looking around, I think about how it's all just as I remembered it. So, I see this side tunnel and think to myself that nobody has found it. Yeah, this is getting wierder. I enter this side tunnel and and all the sudden I get this vision. And everything makes sense. I know, from a welter of confusing images, that the reason the mining equipment had been abandoned is because of the people running it getting these weird images and it driving them away. I recall that as a kid I got these images too but it never bothered me or seemed strange. Then it hit me that the reason I was tolerating them now was because I had been exposed to them as a kid and why I was now understanding it. Apparently an alien craft had crashed here eons ago. The alien who had been stuck on Earth had left a record in case her distress call had attracted anybody. That's what the images were. They were the record of her life here being broadcast from the remains of her ship that was still buried beneath the field. This dream was odd, to say the least. It's been bothering me. I don't know why. Something about it is nagging me. I guess I'll just have to get over it.

Ok. I've been thinking about time travel. It gets very complex. To a person who isn't traveling, it seems like some impossible tings could happen. But from the person in the timeline, time appears to travel in a straight line. And for the person traveling time appears to move in a straight line. What's even more interesting is that say you are the person moving forward in time as you are supposed to, not traveling. You could meet a guy on Thursday, see him get killed on Friday and then run into him again on Saturday. His personal time line might have begun on Thursday, he traveled to Saturday (where you were surprised as hell to see him) and then back to Friday where he got killed. Make sense?

Ok, the timeline starts at 1900 and goes thru 2030. Say our traveler is born in 2000. In 2030 he begins to travel. First he visits 1900, then 2000, then 1950 and then goes back to just after he left. He's the green line. But say we look at it from his point of view.

For him it's a straight line. But for our regular time line, it's impossible to properly represent in 2 dimensions. The red line attempts to follow but can't. Our guy was in 2000 twice, once as a baby and once as an adult. He was in 2030 twice also, but again, we can't represent it properly in 2 dimensions.

So, by now you are asking yourself why in the hell am I torturing my brain over this. It's easy. Lots of people believe that time travel is impossible. I don't believe that. I think it will be horribly difficult but I think it's possible. I think one of the important things is to not think about why a thing is impossible, but how you could accomplish it or circumvent the restrictions. I have come to believe that nothing is impossible. Improbable maybe, but not impossible. I have been trying to not worry about things that are impossible, but rather to think about how they could be accomplished.