Here I sit with a dilemma. I have fallen for a guy. Which, as I identify as bisexual wouldn't be bad except I don't want to love a man. My past relationships with men are kind of messed up. That's putting it lightly. I am not sure how I let it happen. I never intended my feelings to go beyond friendship. What's even worse is that I know it won't work. Ever. He is still in love with his ex-fiancee. Plus, he wants children. I'm 10 years older than he is and I don't think I could physically handle giving birth again, not to mention all the other medical issues I have. It would be so much easier if I could have found a nice woman to fall for. I could have settled into some sort of nice domestic relationship and none of this would be happening. Instead I find myself in love with a man I can't ever have. Men have always let me down. Let me down, abandoned me, hurt me emotionally beyond belief. Why this has happened I can't pretend to know. I just know I'm in for a lot of pain, cause it always gets worse before it gets better.