Still at mom's house. I'm exhausted from being so sick. I haven't puked this much in years. I have held down some chicken fried rice so this is very good. Maybe I'm done puking. I began puking yesterday afternoon and I puked my guts up. It was painful. I got sick on Tuesday. Didn't begin puking till I last night. Dad got me a new laptop tho so it's helping me thru this. I'm in the process of pulling parts from my old one and I'll sell those on eBay to start paying dad back. Gonna have to find some static bags tho....

I am watching some weird tv show about people who won the lotto and the fabulous things they have bought. I used to fantasize about what I would do if I won the lottery. I don't even think about it anymore. I have pretty much gotten used to the idea that I'm the kind of person who doesn't have luck if it's not bad luck. I could be wrong. It just seems that like when I'm down and really need a boost I get a kick instead. When I was younger, it was a dream of mine to own my own house. I wanted my own place, where I could make the rules, paint the walls blue or walk around naked if I wanted. I paid on my home for 7 years and when I lost it it was so devastating for me. I've never felt like I've had much security in my life. When I left the house for the last time, I was sick. I couldn't go back in it or I walnut survive. I had to throw away and leave behind so many things that it still is making me upset. Unless you have lost something that major it's something you won't understand and I hope you never have to. Right now, if I could win the lotto, I wouldn't even need a big one. A paltry $150,000 would be fine for me. I'm not greedy. That would pretty much settle all my debts and give me an opportunity to get back on my feet. The most important part is that it would allow me to have Nina living with me again.