I am still feeling unlovable. I wonder what is lacking in me that nobody wants me. I know this is me fighting with my own brain but it's seriously a horrible feeling. Being over 50 and being alone for the rest of my life is depressing. I wish I could just go to sleep and not wake up again. I haven't had a hug in like 2 years. Been even longer since I had sex. It would probably be a couple of weeks before any of my friends noticed I was gone. Mom would probably notice within a few days and send the cops over for a wellness check. But otherwise I could die in my sleep and nobody would notice.
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