Depression

 I'm dealing with depression today again. I don't know what triggered it I just know I feel like things would be so much easier if I was just dead. It's like a sadness, a weight, and I don't know why. Getting out of bed is hard. Staying awake is hard. I know I need help. I just don't know what to do about it. I've been doing therapy over the phone. It's not as helpful as it should be. I don't like to mention this to my friends because I know it hurts them. But sometimes I really just need somebody to talk to about it. Sometimes I just need to cry. But I don't want to burden my friends because I feel like I'm already enough of a burden to them the way I am. I love my friends and my family. And I know what it would do to them if I were to hurt myself... but I can't help but think about it. Mentally things are just really hard right now. And I know I'm not dealing with it very well and I haven't been for some time. I guess I just have to wait and see. Either it will come down to me taking myself out one night or things will get better. I don't know. I just feel very lonely right now.