Saturday, February 27, 2016
Depression
I'm not sure if I'm suffering from depression or if it's something more. I haven't dated since my last boyfriend died in August of 2014. My dad died in January. I feel as though I have lost my will to live. It's like I don't care anymore. I have no desire to date. Even the prospect of dying alone doesn't matter to me anymore. It's not that I'm sad, it's just that I feel like I have no reason to go on. I am still helping my mom gather up and sort dad's things. My aunt has been staying here with us but has to go home next month. Things will be very tough for mom then. She's not used to being alone. I'll be in the house but it's not the same. I'm not very sociable. I miss being alone. It is actually a bit stressful to be around someone else all the time. Mom had basically been taking care of dad 24/7. I'd been helping since March of last year. I will continue to try and get her through this but my heart has gone out of a lot of things. It's like I'm in the ocean and I've stopped caring whether I can keep my head above water. An overwhelming tiredness for life is the best way to explain it I guess. And I know nobody is reading this blog really. Which is fine. It's not like I have much that's worthwhile to say anyway.
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