I'm in Arizona for my brother's wedding. I am helping cater. I love my brother and my new sister. But I am having a hard time. I always have a hard time at weddings. I see the love and devotion the people have for each other and I'm severely envious. It's all that I've ever wanted and never had. I've been in love a few times in my life, but never had the person I loved return the feeling. Which is good really. Only one of them was husband material and he's dead. Hell, I am in love with somebody right now but he's not what I'm looking for in a mate. The guy would make a horrible husband. I might be in love, but I'm not stupid. I'll eventually get over him. I wouldn't ever even consider spending the rest of my life with him. I get very sad and depressed because I've been looking for someone to spend my life with a long time. Nineteen years. I have lost hope that I will ever find anyone who wants to be with me. I've had three dates this year. I got stood up twice and the third one he didn't even buy me lunch and then I find out he's got a girlfriend and is just looking for something on the side. Pathetic. Loneliness is killing me, slowly. It sucks.