I am feeling very depressed right now. I quit taking my meds. I'm going to start again, but I was so depressed I didn't feel like taking them. I was at the "what's the point???!!!" stage. Guess I will need to talk to my therapist about that. I'm depressed over being alone. I can't seem to connect with men or women very well. And apparently I tend to throw my intelligence right out there and my friend the Doctor tells me that maybe I'm being a bit too up front about that. I know I have a problem with my socialization skills. Part of the problem is that I know that I'm fat and ugly. So I try to use the one thing I have going for me which is my mind. And I am possibly overwhelming people by doing so. I guess I'll have to figure out how to not do that. Without that one thing right out there though, I don't know how anybody would be attracted to me at all. It's funny too. I find people that I could fall deeply in love with. And I know it would be so easy to let go and do it. Those people usually end up being not attracted to me at all. So I end up settling for someone I think loves me. Then it ends up they didn't really love me at all but simply wanted to see what they could get out of me before I lost my mind over it all. It would be easier if I ripped my own heart out, threw it on the ground and stomped all over it. Just get it over with. Then I don't have to wait for somebody else to do it.
By the way, if you haven't done it, stop by my art page at http://12of8.deviantart.com
and make an effort to go check out my friend the Doctor. He's at http://www.myspace.com/omnijones777 and at http://neojones777.deviantart.com. He is a severely interesting guy and one of my best friends. He's a writer and looking for good, solid constructive criticism on his writings. I'm not so good a writer so I can't offer much other than encouragement. Go help the guy out, please.
3 comments:
i've never had the bipolar "stop taking meds" symptom. though i may at some point. one thing i always do when i'm this down (pretty close now) is listen to music but also find that one thing to look forward to (even if minimal) and latch onto it and not let go. it could carry you back up the scale. I really hope you feel better. remember, like you said to me , we'll bounce back up. u know where you can find me.
yes this is brian (x-ample from dA)
my music: http://www.myspace.com/BrianofBattleCry
good luck to you. . . really
It may not be completely your fault about overwhelming other people with your mind (though I can't necessarily argue with the doctor). Most people these days just don't like intellectual pursuits and don't understand the value of a solid mind. *shakes head* It's amazing the pit that most of our society has dug for itself.
Yeah, it's sad. The problem is that my mind works in ways that tend to stupify people sometimes. They ask a question and I give an in depth answer and I get to watch their eyes glaze over as they totally don't follow the explanation past a point. Oh well.
And that's not "a doctor" I referred to it's The Doctor. You can check him out at http://www.myspace.com/omnijones777
He's one of my best pals and gives me an honest opinion when I need one. Friends like that are gold to me.
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