I know I've been kind of slacking off in my blogging. I've been a bit depressed again lately and I go to see my psychiatric nurse tomorrow. I'm going to see if she can get me an up in my Zoloft. I'm at 75 mg now and I want to go to 100. I don't think this will be a problem. When I get really depressed I tend to forget about things. My memory goes all to hell. It sucks. I hate it because I know I'm fat and ugly and if I don't have my brain, well, then what do I have??? Nothing. Hopefully I'm not depressing you now too. I saw my therapist today and she thinks we need to integrate two parts of my personality that are kind of ignoring each other. I have the "mom" side that is predatory about protecting her kids and I have the "10 yr old" side that stopped right there because of a lot of verbal and emotional abuse I had to cope with when I was 10. The 10 yr old side doesn't seem to interact at all with the mom side and vice versa. What happens is the 10 yr old side takes over and relives old traumas and then the depression hits. I begin to think about how worthless I am, how I don't really matter in the scheme of things and how everyone would be better off with me gone. The mom side of me wouldn't tolerate me saying this about myself, but I can't seem to get the mom side in control of the 10 yr old side. It's kind of complicated. And apparently it's going to take a while to integrate them. I guess we will see what happens. On the bright side, we had sword practice tonight and I didn't seem to get all bruised up. WOOHOO!!!