I am not sure why but I find myself sitting here very depressed. Just all the sudden I'm horribly depressed. I don't know what triggered it. I think it's a combination of things. I think part of it is Sophie. I remember how hard it was giving Blair up and now I know Sophie is going to a new family. Plus, I always wanted to have another baby. I had planned to have another after Nina. That was back when I thought I had a family. Before my ex-husband flaked out. In a way I wish I still had faith in men. I don't but I wish I did. I have never had a man close to me that didn't end up bailing out on me when I needed him. I don't trust them. When a man offers to help me out I always wonder what's in it for him and if I can trust him. I wonder how long he will help me before he bails out on me. And the part that really sucks is that I can't even support myself and my daughter at this point. It's upsetting. I am sitting here with tears in my eyes. It would probably help me a lot if I had somebody to hold me occasionally, but I am alone. I will remain alone.